Magic Wand
At different stages in our lives, we experience the wish to have a magic wand. A wand that could fix everything, a wand that could make everything better. We might feel this for different reasons, and it can come from wanting to make life better for someone. It might be ourselves, someone we care about, or a demographic/wider community. This can sometimes make it harder to process our emotions because we are focused on the struggle, and the potential beyond current limitations.
When we get to the stage of wanting to fix everything, there are lots of underlying emotions that may be present even if we aren’t aware of it. It can bring on frustration, guilt, and feelings of being hopeless. This mix can come out as irritation or sadness and if we experience it often, we can burn out from all the emotions sitting just below the surface. If someone we care about is the main priority in our minds, it can prevent us from managing our own wellbeing and have a bigger impact on us long term.
Like the phrase “you need to walk before you can run”, sometimes we need to be aware of our own abilities and what we can reasonably change or influence, particularly in other people’s lives. It’s also important to remember that change takes time; it’s not a black and white process. While this can be frustrating, you have to climb a mountain to reach the top; you have to put in the work and the effort. This means that everything you can and are doing is part of that climb, part of that change. We can’t climb a mountain for someone, but we can do it with them, and potentially shoulder some of the weight along the way.
Refocusing your efforts from the “bigger picture” to immediate manageable changes is challenging which is why it can be helpful to organise the thoughts running through your mind. One way of doing this is by looking at your “Circles of control”. What is within your control to change? What can you influence? What is outside your ability to change? By breaking down all the thoughts running through our mind into these categories, it can give us clarity and focus on the areas we can change.
We have created a resource to organise your thoughts into your circles of control. We’ve included an example and a version you can use at home.
The need for a magic wand can also be managed through peer support. Feeling like someone “gets it” can give us space to be honest about what’s going on in our mind and help us to process some of the underlying emotions even if we don’t put labels on them. Peer support might come in formal settings, like groups, or colleagues in care giving professions, but it may also come from speaking to someone in your life who you feel understands you. Whoever you reach out to, having someone to vent and process with can help to manage the need for a magic wand.
Feeling like you need a magic wand? Need help to organise your thoughts? Or maybe just someone to sit and have a cuppa with? Check out our Sip and Social sessions by clicking the link below.